How not to survive Hallowe'en
by sparxxa
Summary: Hodges has always hated Hallowe'en.     Hodges P.O.V


This was my entry last year for the Hallowe'en "Trick or Treat" challenge over at the geekfiction livejournal community. My prompts for this story were someone going apple picking and someone wearing a bright green wig.

Enjoy.

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Halloween…October 31st…Suffice to say I hate this day. As far as I'm concerned it's just another event dreamt up by the manufacturing industry with the sole purposes of removing us of our common sense and relieving us of our hard earned wages. It's just another excuse for people to decorate the outsides of our houses with as much gaudy and tacky rubbish as they can find and call it 'celebrating'; another excuse for parents to shove their darling little brats into ridiculous costumes and then send them around to terrorise and bug their neighbours into giving them tooth decay; and yes, yet another excuse for teenage thugs to go around wreaking their usual levels of chaos and destruction, but this time with a 'purpose'. All in the name of Halloween.

It used to be a festival to remember the dead, now it's just a marketing tool used by the business empires to sell more junk that can really only be used once a year and has no purpose whatsoever. Honestly, it's just like Valentine's Day…or Christmas.

The other thing I hate about Halloween is that something bad always happens. Every single year, no matter what I do, something bad happens; my house has been toilet papered three years in a row now, there's no way that can be coincidence. But this year, this year has got to be one of the worst.

I arrived at work on good old Halloween mere moments before my shift was due to start. My car had conveniently decided not to start and then when I did get the damned thing to work I got caught in a traffic jam the likes of which I have never seen before.

So there I was, setting up, getting comfortable, ready to start my work when Jacqui Franco appeared in my doorway.

The first thing I noticed was that she was wearing the ridiculous swami hat that Greg Sanders had made her wear as a forfeit for a bet a while ago…and then I saw what she was holding in her hands. It was hideous, horrendous, a complete and utter abomination, which Jacqui oh-so bluntly informed me, was mine to wear for the duration of the shift. All in the name of Halloween. At first I thought she was joking, but I'm not that lucky. Apparently she had got it into her head that we lab techs should do something to celebrate and had decided on us all wearing silly hats and what-not, because full costume would not be permitted; thank the lord for small mercies. She proceeded to tell me that everyone was taking part: she had her swami hat, Wendy was wearing a Viking helmet and Bobby had one of those headbands that look like someone has put an axe through your head. Even David and Doc Robbins had agreed to participate: David ending up with cat ears while Doc Robbins received the bunny rabbit ears: I would have loved to have seen the look on Gil Grissom's face when he walked into the morgue to see the Doc performing an autopsy wearing bunny ears.

She then tried to convince me by telling me that I would not be the only person wearing a wig (because oh yes, the abomination was a wig) and just to prove her point, in walked Greg and Archie.

The low level CSI had a shoulder length blue wig on his head, making him look even crazier than I usually take him for, while Johnson wore an incredibly bright green wig that reached halfway down his back and strangely suited him. They were both grinning like idiots and if ever there was a reason for not joining in the wig-wearing fun it would be the sight of those two.

I protested against the idea, like any sane person would do, I even played the Ecklie card which Greg, in his smartass way, shot down by saying we would explain it away as a team-bonding exercise. Oh sure, that would work, I asked whether all of us looking like complete prats was his definition of team-bonding; to which Archie replied "Isn't it everybody's?" Ok, so I had to give him that; in my experience of so-called team-bonding days you all end up looking incredibly foolish and more divided than when you began the exercise.

They then tried to corral me into taking part in this ridiculous idea by saying that at the end of the shift we'd be having a little Halloween get together. Oh joy. This was subsequently how Ronnie and Henry managed to avoid this little wig/hat wearing extravaganza. The reason? They were out apple picking. Where they were going to go to pick apples at that time of day I had no idea but Sanders seemed extremely excited about the idea as it opened up the possibility of 'bobbing for apples' at this little get together as well as some bizarre game involving doughnuts on a string that he was blithering on about.

I did take some delight though in the sight of Greg chasing after Archie, begging for forgiveness, following a comment about how at least my wig didn't look like a giant had sneezed on me; well I found it amusing anyway.

I tried again to convince Jacqui that there was no possible way that she was going to get me to wear the abomination, but she is a very persuasive woman; especially since her persuasion methods include threats of physical violence, a lot of pain and the abomination being super-glued to my head. Following that I decided to take it like a man, participate and wear the abomination.

That, however, was just the beginning of the shift.

As the shift progressed the nightmare truly began. The CSIs returned from their crime scenes, full of the joys of Halloween, where the twisted freaks that populate this town compete in who can produce the most horror film clichéd murder of the night. Thankfully they reached Johnson's lab before mine. I ventured a look out of my lab door just in time to see Warrick Brown and Nick Stokes stumbling out of the A/V lab howling with laughter. Wisely though, I moved out of the way quickly enough so that they didn't spot me and direct some of their laughter my way.

Quite a long time passed and I wondered, perhaps foolishly, if I had managed to get away with it, that maybe no-one needed to come and get their results from trace; but then just to spite me, in walked CSI Nick Stokes. Fantastic. The moment he saw my wig he choked on his oxygen, which quite frankly served him right. Not rising to the bait I handed him his results and the usual rundown of what it all meant but before he left he couldn't stop himself from mentioning how "darling" the colour of my wig was. In return I shot him one of my best, patented, 'Shut up or you will find your trace results shoved somewhere unpleasant about your person' look. I could still hear his laughter echoing down the corridors a few minutes later.

I really wanted to kill the person who had put that stupid idea into Jacqui's head. Doubly so if said person's name was Greg Sanders.

I thought that maybe once the CSIs had had their fun in laughing at us that it would all calm down and that we could all act like the civilised, intelligent people that we all are (or supposedly are in certain 'remaining nameless' cases.) But who was I kidding? This was Halloween; of course something bad was waiting just around the corner.

Right near to the end of the shift all of the power went out, which was just wonderful. At first I thought that someone had short-circuited the equipment-Greg Sanders; then I thought that someone was playing a rather pathetic practical joke- again Greg Sanders topped my suspect list of one name. It took a while, and myself, Wendy, Greg, Archie and Bobby congregating in the corridor to discover that no-one knew what was going on.

Have I mentioned how much I hate Halloween?

Like a bad horror film we all started wandering around trying to find out what happened and where everyone else was because quite miraculously the crime lab seemed to have suddenly emptied of all life. Greg began making his way through his repertoire of Halloween songs, "Thriller", "Monster Mash", "Ghostbusters", by the time he reached "What's that coming over the hill? Is it a monster? Is it a monster?" even Archie was yelling at him to shut up.

I started wishing that one of those useless horror movie villains would come and put me out of my misery, but then I recalled the abomination was still on my head, just in case Jacqui and her superglue were lurking around; as much as I wanted to be out of my misery I didn't want to be found wearing the abomination.

Our little group continued wandering the corridors of the ghost-town of a crime lab and true to the horror movie charter one by one our group became reduced to just me. First Bobby disappeared, then Archie, Wendy and then finally Greg. I really wished that I hadn't gotten up that morning, that whole day was going to hell. Finally it was revealed to all be in the name of Halloween. The whole lab had conspired to start off the Halloween party by turning the night into a horror film.

The party wasn't so bad I guess, ending a perfectly horrible Halloween in memorable fashion. Archie finally got his revenge on Greg for the comments about his wig in a way that was truly admirable; I never realised the kid had it in him. The best thing though was Jacqui saying that I could finally get rid of the abomination. But if I find out that anyone has got a picture of me in that damned pink wig I will kill them, and I work in a crime lab…no-one would ever find the body…

Happy Halloween? Thank God it's over.


End file.
